I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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