I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
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Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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