wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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