We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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