Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
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It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
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Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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