you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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