Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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