Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
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My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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