i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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