Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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