My Higher Power is John Stamos
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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