he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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