sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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