I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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