I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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