That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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