Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
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I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
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The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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