So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
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I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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