I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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