I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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