Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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