zippers are such a cool invention
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize