my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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