I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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