I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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