Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
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if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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