Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize