I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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