I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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