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If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
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