she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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