just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
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Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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