i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
They took my balls.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
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