Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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