3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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