All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
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Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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