Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize