I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize