you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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