i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
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I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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