it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
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You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
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I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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