Little spoons don't ask big questions
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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