sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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