He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize