I have demons in me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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