i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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