an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
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well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
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When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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