I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
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Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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