help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize