she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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