there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
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No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
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I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize